I'm hungry

So I've recently been reading a couple of blog posts, pondering a few deep thoughts, following some very gifted thinkers in the ever expanding twitterverse and I'm beginning to see a pattern. I'm hungry.

Yeah, I know--but this is not just another post about about my daily caloric intake. It's occurred to me that I am genuinely hungry for the things of God. Golden clouds, dreams, or visions not withstanding, I am mostly seeking a deep and abiding experience with God Most High. These things I'm reading, following, or discussing are reminding me of something far too important to miss.

I recall times when I have feasted on the Lord...really focused intentionally on the Wine of the Word and drinking to the last dregs the truth of He who is the Word. I would scrape every last crumb of the Bread of Life off of the table and then, like Oliver Twist, ask for more.

My days consisted of sweet communion with the Lord and waking and spending much time with Jesus. I would go out with a song in my heart from that place of mystical union and dwell with Him the whole day long. Each moment was filled with the potential of knowing Him and His character in my life. I was full.

Then something happened. I became sleek. I think the old English word means to grow fat. I no longer sought Him as I once did. Other things began to take my attention off of Jesus--the real food and drink--and I began to consume things that were not good for me.

It has been a slow drift, and I'm keenly aware of my smallness in all this.

I compromised on the “best foods” and began to fill myself with junk. Though beautiful to see and sweet to to eat, this food holds no nutritional value. And yet, I consume so much of this I've seemingly forgotten what real food truly is.

And I've become lazy--unwilling to change my diet or do anything that would put me back on the track for spiritual health. Slowly, I've lost my appetite for things of the Spirit.

How have I so quickly moved away from that which provides such great benefits? Why have I moved so rapidly from that which promises wholeness and health? How deceived and prideful must I be before I realize the “weight” I carry around is not required?

So for the last week or so, I've consciously been “eating in.” I'm doing what I must so I can be what He desires. I'm trying to not fill my shopping cart with junk but I am genuinely soaking in the truth He has placed in His word, that He has displayed in His creation, and shared in amazing conversations with friends and colleagues.

Sometimes I begin to believe that eating-in is boring...sometimes I sneak a sweet treat and feel sick after. But always the Feast is prepared before me in the presence of my enemies.

I Guess I still have a ways to go. But I'm not discouraged. Wanna know why?

I think I'm getting hungry again.